My brother is worthless … really everything he ever touched was damaged as a result of the interaction. You can read my earlier post on him. He got together with a woman a number of years ago … yet another in a string of women who would take him in only to throw him out soon after. This one got pregnant. My brother already had a grown son. And now he also has a daughter. My brother has never supported these children financially, emotionally or in anyway. I had the good fortune to meet his daughter last year for the first time. She was about to enter Kindergarten and a complete joy. While she was being raised by a mother with her own share of problems, this little girl is a pure delight. She has her own personality that won’t be repressed by her sad life. She tells it like it is, including letting her mom know when she’s not behaving properly! I have to admit I fell in love with my niece. I could see the potential in this wonderful little girl. She wasn’t going to let the world around her ruin who she was inside. It filled me with joy to spend a week with her.
When she went back home to a remote location in the southwest, we kept in touch with calls, cards and gifts. We made plans to see each other again. However this wasn’t to be. You see my brother got wind that we were spending time with his daughter. And even though my brother didn’t give a shit about this child, he didn’t want his family to have the pleasure of her company. He saw that we loved her and he wasn’t going to allow it. He started a campaign to scare her mother. He told his ex-wife that we were working to take her daughter from her and made up ridiculous lies. No one except the most poor, ignorant and desperate people would listen to a word he said. However my niece’s mother wasn’t taking any chances. She stopped allowing my niece to talk to us and canceled the upcoming visits. Suddenly she worried about her spending time with us and feared my brother getting back into their lives.
So now I have only pictures from a couple years ago. She doesn’t want anything to do with us. I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again. And she desperately needs us in her life. This poor child has no family to speak of and no one to show her positive examples of how to live her life. What must she think? What’s happened to her aunt and grand-mom? Why aren’t we still in her life? No doubt her mother has made up some kind of lie to placate her.
I wonder if I’ll ever see her again. And if I do will it be too late to be have a positive relationship with her? Will she be turned off from us based on what her mom has said? How much effort should I really put forth to try to have a relationship with her? Hard questions to answer. Such a sad situation. All I want to do is love this child. I want to help her grow up to realize her full potential. I asked or nothing but her love in return. And she is more than willing to give it. If only her mom could see I wouldn’t hurt her.
This is another example in my life of loving and losing. It makes me afraid to love again. My family is so destructive. When will I learn to just walk away?